12 weeks ago…

So 12 weeks ago, I gave birth to my second girl.  Towards the end of my third trimester I stopped writing as I had so much going on in my life personally finding time to write was just not possible.  Twelve weeks in – I am finally finding my feet, feeling more like me again.

I spent weeks 34 to 38 of my pregnancy in and out of hospital appointments, scans and of all things breast clinics.  On top of my gestational diabetes, my baby decided to stop growing and I discovered a lump in my right breast.  Of all the things I had been through the lump was the worst.  I couldn’t find it in me to write without bursting into tears and what my life had become – I was a ball of anxiety and fear.

In week 37, I got my lump biopsied and luckily it was a fibroadenoma which is a non – malignant lump.  This horrible lump will be getting removed when I stop feeding my baby as I hate it with a passion.  It needs to go.

In week 38, I got induced as my girl’s weight according to scans plummeted from the 90th percentile, to the 50th – in reality she was born in the 20th percentile which is all the more horrifying because how could all those scans be so so wrong?!

The labour was 2 hours long from start to finish once it started but my girls heart beat kept dropping to below safe levels.  There was no calm labour for this small girl.  She was pulled into this world as quickly as possible.  She was not breathing when she arrived – I saw her for 30 seconds max, before they took her away.  It was 15 – 20 minutes before they brought her back to me.

But my girl is here.  She is safe.  We are 12 weeks in, that’s right, 3 months and how that time has flown.  For all the stress, anxiety and health problems I faced – we made it.  Through the 4 days in hospital due to small miss having low blood sugar, the jaundice which nearly saw us hospitalised again, the anxiety around would I be able to breast feed or not and the many sleepless nights.  We made it.

So to all the mama’s to be out there and, well, to the all the mama’s in general facing their very own battles – I hear you.  I have your back.  We have to stick together.  Pregnancy, birthing, motherhood – what a journey it takes us on.

Oh and welcome to the world Isla Dawn – You are very much loved and adored.

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It’s officially official! 

I haven’t posted in a while. I have had a bit going on health wise with the little lady living inside me and I have taken quite a bit of time just for me, to get my head around the changes going on in my body.

My body which has decided, against my better judgement to slow down it’s insulin making and cause me to be officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes. But it is what it is.

My job is to help my body the best way I can and much to my disgust, this means being very careful with what I eat. I am an absolute lover of food so this change has not been easy for me. Quite simply – I miss pizza and all the other foods I took for granted before now. 

However, I am also lucky that it is not forever and that realistically if I do my best now there is likely to be no long term effects for baby or her future.   Or mine for that matter. And that I have only got 6.5 more weeks of pricking my stinking fingers. The women who do this from early pregnancy, I have so much respect for you, it’s been hard and I have only been doing it a week and a half! 

And before anyone thinks to ask – I did nothing to cause this. I was fit and healthy, ate well and looked after myself and baby.  Even my midwife was surprised when the test came back positive as I tick none of the boxes that indicate I should have this. But I do. It is hormonal, no woman wants to deal with this – it’s not an exclusive club that we strive to enter, its our bodies struggling a bit through some massive changes. That’s it.  That’s all it is. 

The big GD – I have it. It’s a pain. But it could be worse. There is nothing like a bit of reality to help you realise that it could always be worse. For me this came when a friend of mine with a newborn shared the fact she is starting treatment for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  Suddenly, my whinging was checked, and I realised in the scheme of things it could be so much worse.

So here is to 6 more weeks of stabbing my fingers and prayers to friend and her family as she starts her chemo.  

PS: the picture is of my new bestie – it travels with me everywhere!