A few nights ago, my angry wife instincts were on high. In fact I have sat on posting this for a few days because I wasn’t sure it was appropriate, so I checked with the person who, for this particular post mattered most, and he said to go for it. So here it is.
Last Friday night, I received an email at 8pm at night, well after work hours that made me so mad I just couldn’t comprehend what I had actually read. The email brought up a lot of anger at how people take my husband for granted. I was so hurt and upset at how I have seen my husband treated by people he was meant to be able to trust. Not to mention how disrespectful specific people had and have continued to be towards him. I wanted to punch them in the face. Luckily, when I read what was being said to others via email he was next door, having drinks with a friends, it gave me time to breathe.
My need to protect the people I love is high. I automatically wanted to respond to this email I had received at some dumb hour with a whole bunch of expletives expressing my feelings about the issue but I couldn’t.
You see we work together. We have for the last 3 years and we work together well. We have different roles. We work in different areas and have not a lot to do with each other in a company sense and as his wife and an employee of the company I need to keep professional distance from certain situations.
Normally I am okay with this. I rant to a friend, a close friend and she can normally talk me down. Which is perfect. I know it is not my place to go running to his defense. He is a grown man and he can fight his own battles and he does this well. He has his morals and values and the choices he has made recently are within these.
My job is to support him. I think I do this well and if I’m being honest, I am much more emotional then him, so at times I know for a fact I react far more to situations then he ever will or will ever see a need to. The moment I feel someone, in this case him, has been mistreated by those he trusted and believed in, I get mad.
We have been together 7 years, married for almost two and in that time I have seen him work so hard that it has almost broken him. I have felt what it’s like to come second to his job but been okay with it as it wasn’t going to be forever. I have seen him be there for staff when they were struggling and put his own needs last because the company required everything from him for one reason or another. And so to see him treated like crap by his peers made me angry – I was and still am hurt on his behalf.
He tells me I don’t need to be – he is okay with it – and believe me I am trying to be okay with it. He smiles and tells me, although what’s happened isn’t ideal, it will be okay and I love him enough to leave it alone because I know he is trying to comfort me. Yet, I know it must hurt and that he must be feeling betrayed by what has happened because as his wife, I know how much he loved what he did and I can imagine how hurt I would be if I had been treated this way.
I guess this is what part of what being a wife is – Listening, supporting and being there particularly when things are not going quite right. He does not need protection from the big bad world, I know he can deal with it and he does and he does it well. But even though I know this – I still want to protect him from it.
So here is to my husband. Who listens to me rant on his behalf. Who listens as I jump up and down in anger at how he has been treated. Who I know, is already aware of everything I am saying to him because it is happening to him and he feels it all more keenly then I do – for allowing me to be me and after I am done – smiling at me and telling me it will be okay and that he is okay, it could be a lot worse. Thank you for being you – I have a lot to learn from your quieter, more gentle way of approaching life.