Fathers Day

So today in New Zealand, it’s Father’s Day. A day to honour the men in our lives who have taken on a fathering role in one way or another.

I am not just talking about biological fathers – I am also talking about the men who take a leap of faith and choose to love a child that may have come as part of a package deal.

For me, the very special man that chose to step up for my first daughter, is now my husband and the father of my second little lady. Almost 9 years ago, he chose to date a single mum with a 4 year old girl. 

I don’t know if back then he realised the huge responsibility he would be taking on or if he was even ready to become her father figure but one way or another that is how it worked out and yes, there have been small battles and at times we have waded our way through areas where we have had to trust our choices were correct, but knowing he wasn’t going to abandon us like her “dad” did made all the difference.

He has been there for her now through more then I think either of them could have imagined. He has watched her grow from a toddler, to a young girl and is now seeing her become a young woman, just as our second journey is beginning with our newest addition.

The thing that makes me proudest and most thankful about him – they are his girls. He doesn’t differentiate between the fact one is his biological daughter and one is not. They are both his and he would fight for them both equally as hard if the occassion arose. 

 I feel blessed to have met a man that took me and the small package that came with me – her dance recitals, the painting of toe nails, the rolling of eyes and the endless sleep overs, play dates, school assignments and more. And then chose me to be the woman that he would do it all over again.

The role of the father in a child’s life is so important. To all the men who are a part of their child’s life, who have  chosen to be a part of a child’s life, and who are fighting for their right to be a part of their child’s life. To the uncles, grandfather’s and family friends who have stood up and taken on being that all important male role mode for a child – Happy Happy Father’s Day.

It’s officially official! 

I haven’t posted in a while. I have had a bit going on health wise with the little lady living inside me and I have taken quite a bit of time just for me, to get my head around the changes going on in my body.

My body which has decided, against my better judgement to slow down it’s insulin making and cause me to be officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes. But it is what it is.

My job is to help my body the best way I can and much to my disgust, this means being very careful with what I eat. I am an absolute lover of food so this change has not been easy for me. Quite simply – I miss pizza and all the other foods I took for granted before now. 

However, I am also lucky that it is not forever and that realistically if I do my best now there is likely to be no long term effects for baby or her future.   Or mine for that matter. And that I have only got 6.5 more weeks of pricking my stinking fingers. The women who do this from early pregnancy, I have so much respect for you, it’s been hard and I have only been doing it a week and a half! 

And before anyone thinks to ask – I did nothing to cause this. I was fit and healthy, ate well and looked after myself and baby.  Even my midwife was surprised when the test came back positive as I tick none of the boxes that indicate I should have this. But I do. It is hormonal, no woman wants to deal with this – it’s not an exclusive club that we strive to enter, its our bodies struggling a bit through some massive changes. That’s it.  That’s all it is. 

The big GD – I have it. It’s a pain. But it could be worse. There is nothing like a bit of reality to help you realise that it could always be worse. For me this came when a friend of mine with a newborn shared the fact she is starting treatment for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  Suddenly, my whinging was checked, and I realised in the scheme of things it could be so much worse.

So here is to 6 more weeks of stabbing my fingers and prayers to friend and her family as she starts her chemo.  

PS: the picture is of my new bestie – it travels with me everywhere!

Protective Instincts…

A few nights ago, my angry wife instincts were on high.  In fact I have sat on posting this for a few days because I wasn’t sure it was appropriate, so I checked with the person who, for this particular post mattered most, and he said to go for it.  So here it is.

Last Friday night, I received an email at 8pm at night, well after work hours that made me so mad I just couldn’t comprehend what I had actually read.  The email brought up a lot of anger at how people take my husband for granted. I was so hurt and upset at how I have seen my husband treated by people he was meant to be able to trust.  Not to mention how disrespectful specific people had and have continued to be towards him. I wanted to punch them in the face.  Luckily, when I read what was being said to others via email he was next door, having drinks with a friends, it gave me time to breathe.

My need to protect the people I love is high. I automatically wanted to respond to this email I had received at some dumb hour with a whole bunch of expletives expressing my feelings about the issue but I couldn’t.

You see we work together. We have for the last 3 years and we work together well. We have different roles. We work in different areas and have not a lot to do with each other in a company sense and as his wife and an employee of the company I need to keep professional distance from certain situations.

Normally I am okay with this. I rant to a friend, a close friend and she can normally talk me down. Which is perfect. I know it is not my place to go running to his defense. He is a grown man and he can fight his own battles and he does this well. He has his morals and values and the choices he has made recently are within these.

My job is to support him. I think I do this well and if I’m being honest, I am much more emotional then him, so at times I know for a fact I react far more to situations then he ever will or will ever see a need to. The moment I feel someone, in this case him, has been mistreated by those he trusted and believed in, I get mad.

We have been together 7 years, married for almost two and in that time I have seen him work so hard that it has almost broken him. I have felt what it’s like to come second to his job but been okay with it as it wasn’t going to be forever. I have seen him be there for staff when they were struggling and put his own needs last because the company required everything from him for one reason or another. And so to see him treated like crap by his peers made me angry – I was and still am hurt on his behalf.

He tells me I don’t need to be – he is okay with it – and believe me I am trying to be okay with it.  He smiles and tells me, although what’s happened isn’t ideal, it will be okay and I love him enough to leave it alone because I know he is trying to comfort me. Yet, I know it must hurt and that he must be feeling betrayed by what has happened because as his wife,  I know how much he loved what he did and I can imagine how hurt I would be if I had been treated this way.

I guess this is what part of what being a wife is – Listening, supporting and being there particularly when things are not going quite right. He does not need protection from the big bad world, I know he can deal with it and he does and he does it well. But even though I know this – I still want to protect him from it.

So here is to my husband. Who listens to me rant on his behalf. Who listens as I jump up and down in anger at how he has been treated. Who I know, is already aware of everything I am saying to him because it is happening to him and he feels it all more keenly then I do – for allowing me to be me and after I am done – smiling at me and telling me it will be okay and that he is okay, it could be a lot worse. Thank you for being you – I have a lot to learn from your quieter, more gentle way of approaching life.